Hogu and Blackhole Award Winners

Issue Eight

Masquerade Results

Masquerade Photos

Hogu and Blackhole Award Winners

Atomic Fireballs on the Stilaguamish

The 25th Anniversary Hogu and Black Hole Award presentation was conducted Sunday morning at a black-tie Ranquet, before an audience of dozens in the local McDonald's, and produced the following distinguished winners:

The DeRoach Award for Putridity in Everyday Life

Paparazzi

The Aristotle Award for Grand-Master Lifetime Achievement in Putridity

Mike Tyson

Best New Feud (starting 1996 or later)

Jesse Helms vs. William Weld

Best Traumatic Presentation (e.g., Gary Hart in "Lust Weekend")

bill.gates@macworld.org

Fandom's Biggest Turkey

Roland Castle

Best Hoax Award (other than the Hogus)

LoneStarCon2 Chili Cook-Off

Best Typeface

Alamo MicroCondensed Timid

Best Religious Hoax (the Kool-Aid Award)

Heaven's Gate

Best Professional Hoax (hoaxing as a profession)

John Norman as a writer

Best Fan Hoax

2nd Occasional LoneStarCon Con Suite

Worst Fanzine Title (the Aard Daze Award)

(tie) Newsbringer and Domino^*

Best Dead Writer (must be living to qualify; the Battlecrock Glacktica Award)

William Shatner

Best Hoax Convention

Z'ha'dum in 2260

Best Pseudonym

Michael "Moo"cock

Special Bagelbash Award for Outstanding Putridity

pi + [glyph of Alamo] = (pi Alamo'd) [It's a rebus, son, don't you get it?]

Devo Award for Most Harm Done to Science Fiction

Nichelle Nichols for hucking Psychic Network

Best Has-Been (Deposed Dictator's Award)

Fidel Castro

Free For All (best bumper sticker)

Velcronomicon -- The Book of Binding Spells

Most Desired Gafiation (Winner to get Mid-Atlantic Fan Fund)

Stu Hellinger

Best New Disease (e.g., Ted Turner's Syndrome -- colorization)

Virulent Paparazzi

Banger Award for Least Appropriate Featured Personality at a Worldcon

Dusty Britches (for opening ceremonies act)

Traffic Jams, Jellies, and Preserves Award for Most Vapid Transit System

Boat Tours on the Ditch

Best Alien Music Video

Will Smith's "Men in Black" video

Mixed Media

Custom carpet art of the Alamo in the McDonald's

Closest Encounter of the Fourth Kind

Mir and its docking vessel (Oy is Mir!)

Cuisinart Award for Notably Bad Editing

Hugo movie clip-job

Special Grand Bastard Award

Special Persecutor Kenneth Starr

Space Geek of the Year

Huckster King Tommy Bartlett of Wisconsin (who charges tourists admission to walk through a Mir command module mockup)

Most Bizarre Hall Costume

Neal Barrett, Jr. at the Hugos

Most Erotic Line from Star Trek

Deep Six Nine "Hey Quark -- stick it in your ear!"

The Hogus were named for Hogu Chabsnerg, founder of modern Sinus Friction. Given out almost simultaneously were the companion BlackHole Awards for Extraordinary Putridity, which do not appear to have been named for anybody who's willing to admit to it:

Standard BlackHole (four awarded, usually without comment being necessary)

Paula Jones, the Kennedy men, Kenneth Starr, Jesse Helms

Invisibility Award (conspicuous absence)

Elst Weinstein (horrible mention Mike Glyer)

Incompetence Award for Political Refuse

Richard Armey vs. Newt Gingrich

Publisher's Award

Pesach Lattin's "Sphere Publishing" [sic]

Greed Award

Autumn Jackson

Half-Assed Con Officiousness (the "Connie")

CoyoteCon

Brown Hole Award for Outstanding Professionalism

NYPD Brown

Categories are determined, nominations are collated, voting is conducted, and votes are sold, singly or en bloc, by the Hogu and BlackHole Commission, 2717 San Angelo Drive., Claremont CA 91711, fax 909-621-2117, <elst@cyberg8t.com>. (John Novak, ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary.)