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LoneStarCon2 · The 55th World Science Fiction Convention · Monday, September 1, 1997

Hogu and Blackhole Award Winners

Issue Eight

Masquerade Results

Masquerade Photos

Hogu and Blackhole Award Winners

Atomic Fireballs on the Stilaguamish


The 25th Anniversary Hogu and Black Hole Award presentation was conducted Sunday morning at a black-tie Ranquet, before an audience of dozens in the local McDonald's, and produced the following distinguished winners:

The DeRoach Award for Putridity in Everyday Life
The Aristotle Award for Grand-Master Lifetime Achievement in Putridity
Mike Tyson
Best New Feud (starting 1996 or later)
Jesse Helms vs. William Weld
Best Traumatic Presentation (e.g., Gary Hart in "Lust Weekend")
Fandom's Biggest Turkey
Roland Castle
Best Hoax Award (other than the Hogus)
LoneStarCon2 Chili Cook-Off
Best Typeface
Alamo MicroCondensed Timid
Best Religious Hoax (the Kool-Aid Award)
Heaven's Gate
Best Professional Hoax (hoaxing as a profession)
John Norman as a writer
Best Fan Hoax
2nd Occasional LoneStarCon Con Suite
Worst Fanzine Title (the Aard Daze Award)
(tie) Newsbringer and Domino*
Best Dead Writer (must be living to qualify; the Battlecrock Glacktica Award)
William Shatner
Best Hoax Convention
Z'ha'dum in 2260
Best Pseudonym
Michael "Moo"cock
Special Bagelbash Award for Outstanding Putridity
pi + [glyph of Alamo] = (pi Alamo'd) [It's a rebus, son, don't you get it?]
Devo Award for Most Harm Done to Science Fiction
Nichelle Nichols for hucking Psychic Network
Best Has-Been (Deposed Dictator's Award)
Fidel Castro
Free For All (best bumper sticker)
Velcronomicon -- The Book of Binding Spells
Most Desired Gafiation (Winner to get Mid-Atlantic Fan Fund)
Stu Hellinger
Best New Disease (e.g., Ted Turner's Syndrome -- colorization)
Virulent Paparazzi
Banger Award for Least Appropriate Featured Personality at a Worldcon
Dusty Britches (for opening ceremonies act)
Traffic Jams, Jellies, and Preserves Award for Most Vapid Transit System
Boat Tours on the Ditch
Best Alien Music Video
Will Smith's "Men in Black" video
Mixed Media
Custom carpet art of the Alamo in the McDonald's
Closest Encounter of the Fourth Kind
Mir and its docking vessel (Oy is Mir!)
Cuisinart Award for Notably Bad Editing
Hugo movie clip-job
Special Grand Bastard Award
Special Persecutor Kenneth Starr
Space Geek of the Year
Huckster King Tommy Bartlett of Wisconsin (who charges tourists admission to walk through a Mir command module mockup)
Most Bizarre Hall Costume
Neal Barrett, Jr. at the Hugos
Most Erotic Line from Star Trek
Deep Six Nine "Hey Quark -- stick it in your ear!"

The Hogus were named for Hogu Chabsnerg, founder of modern Sinus Friction. Given out almost simultaneously were the companion BlackHole Awards for Extraordinary Putridity, which do not appear to have been named for anybody who's willing to admit to it:

Standard BlackHole (four awarded, usually without comment being necessary)
Paula Jones, the Kennedy men, Kenneth Starr, Jesse Helms
Invisibility Award (conspicuous absence)
Elst Weinstein (horrible mention Mike Glyer)
Incompetence Award for Political Refuse
Richard Armey vs. Newt Gingrich
Publisher's Award
Pesach Lattin's "Sphere Publishing" [sic]
Greed Award
Autumn Jackson
Half-Assed Con Officiousness (the "Connie")
Brown Hole Award for Outstanding Professionalism
NYPD Brown

Categories are determined, nominations are collated, voting is conducted, and votes are sold, singly or en bloc, by the Hogu and BlackHole Commission, 2717 San Angelo Drive., Claremont CA 91711, fax 909-621-2117, <elst@cyberg8t.com>. (John Novak, ambassador extraordinary and plenipotentiary.)


* The publisher and staff of Domino and Newsbringer express their gratitude and appreciation to the commission for this honor. Sorry our Brink's courier didn't arrive in time.

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